Valentine Tits & Bits
- Sally Hilton
- Feb 5, 2018
- 4 min read
As Valentines Day approaches so does the mission to get my size 22 ass into sexy lingerie. Functionality plays a huge part in feeling safe, secure and sexy when your strutting your stuff!
In true Sally fashion I spend an obsessive amount of time in Homegoods the last week in January every year, curating the perfect bed and bedroom setting. Replaying in my mind the mantra, "If i build it they will come!" New sheets, new comforter and a dozen perfectly eclectic pillows the simultaneously match and clash in a beautiful collection of luxe fabrics and textures.
I have no idea why sex all of a sudden on the 14th of February becomes a charade like loosing your virginity all over again! "EVERYTHING has to be perfect!" lets be honest its just another random Wednesday and no different from last week when he saw me in stained pajamas, hair scraped back, swearing at a split trash bag that was leaking last nights pasta sauce on the kitchen floor! Yet every year we both play along in the pantomime.
You know me, totally body confident. Some would say almost to a point of delusion! I rock the stood at the bottom of the bed sultry seductress, with come to bed eyes, hip dips and pointy toe poses! That is NOT easy to achieve though in "traditional valentines lingerie" I am big women there is a lot of me. I have lumps and bumps that most people don't even know exist. I have no doubt that my partner loves every part of me, if not more than I do, but there is absolutely nothing fuckable about a heart shaped sheer piece of fabric covering my camel toe suspended on a piece of elastic that disappears into the fold of my thigh brows. Paired with a low hanging none supportive hammock made of itchy cheap ass lace that allows your breasts to conveniently double as kneeling cushions for when you inevitably find yourself on them!
This year though I have done my research and I'm holding out high hopes for a banging boudoir session. Because I am the giving type (not just in the bedroom) I'm sharing my resources and top tips for your tits and bits!
Tip 1.
The underwear I wear on a date is rarely the underwear I parade around the bedroom in. I am a massive fan of form fitting fashion, which usually requires some pretty hardworking durable foundation garments and smoothing shapewear. As good as I am, I am pretty sure that NOBODY ever got turned on by spanx with a pee hole in their gusset and a silicone lined anti-roll back fat smoother! I will either carry a set of sexy underwear in my purse or hide it in the en-suite for a quick change if necessary before the big moment.
Tip 2.
Someone somewhere designed the cage bra, and whoever they are they deserve a national holiday in their name! In my opinion it is impossible to wear a caged bra without feeling like a sex goddess. The added bonus of a cage on the full of the beast not only emphasize your curves but adds an allusion of coverage and a little extra 'umph' support to anyone of any shape or size. I defy you to find a more flattering look! (I am very partial to a caged balcony bra!) Finding fashionable yet functional underwear is no easy task. Curvy.com though are absolutely amazing at the sexy and the everyday basics! They are all inclusive of size AND the use a diverse group of models so you can actually see what the underwear looks like on different body shapes and sizes!! My personal pick from them for the big night is this beauty!!!
Tip 3.
Sexy does not always have to mean skimpy! Lace detailing and thoughtful fabrication like in these lace briefs from TakingShape.com not only does a little tummy control but will do some booty lifting magic to give you a little extra support and piece of mind when you are spinning your web of desire!
Tip 4.
Let it be known I am a massive fan of separates mostly so you can mix and match all year round, and freshen up the set by interchanging a solid color brief or bra. However sometimes you just want a show stopper! This little number from Plusinlove.com comes with wrist straps for those of us who fancy a little kink! (Word to the wise though, double check your size in the sizing matrix, and if you are thinking of wearing stockings with the garter, make sure you stop by torrid or another speciality store to purchase, so they don't finish below the knee or roll like a over filled Enchilada!) Also worth a mention that this find is under $15!!!!!!
Please know that whatever you choose to gift wrap yourself in this Valentines Day, you are the gift, you are beautiful, you are sexy and you are the best he's ever had! Go get em' tiger! Stay Fabulous!
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