Dating in your Power Shoes - The Love Gamblers Guide To Winning

I have invested so much time and energy into relationships, and trust that I am not exaggerating when I say that I have dated the good the bad and the ugly! In some relationships I was wise enough to bail before it got messy. Others I stayed in for years past its sell by date, trying to fix the un-fixable and trying to change the unchangeable. Looking back on these relationships I see now that they were not broken, the people I dated were not bad people, but equally none of them would ever work, they never stood a chance, how could they. It wasn’t that they were not right for me, it was that I wasn’t right, I wasn’t in my right mind, and certainly was not in my power shoes.

Although I didn’t see it at the time I was broken, I was un-fixable and I was playing a game I could never win. Playing all in with my chips of love, time and energy. I thought it was a safe bet and a sure thing that loving someone and having them love you in return would have a huge payout of validation and happiness.

Naively I played the game for years and years. Never winning, but constantly racking up a huge debt of misplaced bets.

Relationships really are like gambling, because there is never a guarantee of a win. The pursuit of love and happiness can be addicting, switching from one table to another, constantly placing a bet waiting for the jackpot, losing sight of the fact that you should only gamble what you can afford to loose. You become more and more reckless with your chips, thinking the more you put in the more you get out. It doesn’t work like that, and when you gamble in that mindset the house always wins.

So the question is how do you learn to win?!

First of all to place a bet you need chips right ? Your chips are a rare currency

Of confidence, love, trust and happiness. Now we are all given a certain amount of chips when we start dating, but as we continue to play and loose we start to run out of them, until eventually we bankrupt ourselves and we can no longer play, ending the relationship we were betting on. Just like real currency it takes a while to earn enough of the chips back to play again, but inevitably we make the same mistakes and loose our chips.

In order to become a power shoe player or a high roller, and play the game for a long period of time, you are going to need as many chips as possible. Nobody has more confidence chips than someone in their power shoes. I guess what I am saying is you have to love yourself before you can love anyone else. I know, I know, I hate that phrase too! Of course Idris Elba could change your life and make you happy, with his charm his wit his gorgeous personality and perfectly manicured bearded, and millions in the bank! But honestly, he couldn’t. Someone can’t give you happiness, or confidence not truly. Your happiness comes from within you, and you alone.

Once you are authentically comfortable with who you are, what you are and what you look like today the money comes rolling in! The more you love your true self the more respect you will have for yourself. When you know how much you respect yourself its easier to see when others do not respect you to the same capacity. You also begin to set benchmarks and standards to which you are accountable. If you know you have it going on, why would you be dating below your benchmark, Beyoncé doesn’t date the guy who collects shopping carts from the parking lot, for a reason.

High Rollers in Vegas don’t sit in their tuxedo on the main floor playing penny slots. They know they have enough chips to be playing in luxury lounges popping open large bottles of vintage champagne and sipping on very old very expensive cognac. So if you are playing the game as a high roller in your power shoes confident in who you are then your game relationship is going to be high stakes.

A high stakes relationship is the relationship you have dreamed of. It’s the mother pay out of all dates. In a relationship like this you are playing for the jackpot.

Everyone has a different idea of what their jackpot is. For the penny slot players their jackpot may not be as explicit in nature and as detailed as those of a high roller. They may only seek a steady secure partner with deep blue eyes. Whilst the true high rollers play for a larger jackpot, a longer list of personality traits physical attributes, life goals and shared dreams.

The single difference between a penny slot players and a high roller is the amount of chips they have to play with, the more chips the more confidence a player has. A high roller, or power shoe player has so much self respect, confidence, inner happiness and a high level of self esteem, that they have the balls to bet big. However, an experienced power shoe gambler is clever with their bets and ensures that they do their best to stack their odds.

In order to play the odds, you first need to know what you are playing for and what your jackpot needs to look like. A confident and savvy player is happy to play big but only if they know there is a decent payout, worth the gamble.

Power shoe players have to have a return calculator or betting formula. A list of what they expect from the perfect relationship and partner. Within this list there are negotiable and non negotiable. The more self-esteem and confidence (chips) the player has the longer the list is, as they expect more from their jackpot than a penny slot player. E.g. Partner must be 6ft5 (negotiable) Partner must wasn't children (non negotiable) you have to know what you want in order to get it.

When looking to place a bet the high roller will only do so if all non negotiables are met. It takes great courage to turn down the opportunity of a small/easier win, which would only pay off in the short term until a non-negotiable was hit. But in order to get the larger payout and have enough chips left to go all in on a better bet they must fold, or refuse to play.

Not everybody was born a power shoe player or high roller; most of us like me have worked hard for their chips. Just like in Vegas there are also different levels of high rollers. Not everyone that enters the exclusive club can afford to play every game with 100% confidence, and this is where the bluff comes in. You see, if you have just graduated from the penny slots to the high rollers and made a conscious decision to gamble your chips in a different way, then the old techniques and habits of playing small creep in, when you are under pressure.

The negative self-chat, the feelings of inadequacy and the lack of confidence to buy into a big game may hinder you from placing a bet at all.

In most games there is a buy in, an amount of money you need to join the game that gives you a seat at the table. This is your first date, conversation or connection with someone, and is the first step in playing big.

In order to overcome you initial fears, you have to bluff. The reality of playing for the jackpot is daunting and can be overwhelming especially for an inexperienced player. There is only one person that you need to convince that you can win, and that is yourself. You may have to bluff your way through it a little until your new gambling strategy becomes second nature. The true definition of a bluff is to attempt to deceive someone (in this case yourself) into be believing that you can or will do something.

True power shoe players know that they have to overcome the truths they believe, like “I am to fat, to date this hot guy!” “He wouldn’t be interested in little old me” “I’m not worth it” and transform them into lies. Bluffing themselves into a new positive reality until they believe the opposite to be the truth.

Now once you have bought into the game and you are bluffing through all your insecurities to get over the hurdles of the first few dates, you will inevitably ‘keep your eye on the prize’ in order to stay focused and motivated to play, when it gets tough.

This is a tricky strategy, the more you can picture yourself winning the jackpot (falling in love) the more obsessed you are with winning, and that means you could be place a reckless bet. It is important that the person you are playing with (or dating) doesn’t see your hand, and that you implement the next stage which is the poker face.

If your high rolling partner is invested and is playing the game along with you, you must allow that partner to experience some form of challenge, once they can read you or see your cards the game is over, along with the thrill and adrenaline rush of each the bet. It is in your advantage to play the game as long as possible. As you do so, not only will you become more confident but you will also learn more about your partner and know how to play and read them, making each further investment of a bet safer and safer. There is nothing safe about going all in with an I love you, if you are unsure if they feel the same way. Until your playing partner shows his hand, a true high roller keeps their poker face intact and their cards close to their chest.

Once you can read your partner and you know what cards they are holding, you have begun the process of turning the tables, reversing the situation so that you have the upper hand.

Turning the tables happens when a power shoe player truly believes in the value of her chips. Once a high roller is at a point where there is no doubt in her mind that she is confident, worthy, deserving and happy with herself, she begins to understand that the playing partner and game was not actually the jackpot at all. She no longer plays to win but to be won. It is at this point that the power shoe player must allow herself to be played for. Based on the level of self-confidence and self-esteem she has, she must bench mark her playing partners bets. Is he betting enough, is he putting in enough effort, in order to secure his victory, which ultimately is her heart and a future together.

If at this stage in the game the power shoe player does not feel the level of validation, commitment or investment is being played by her partner then she must decided if it is time to go all in or fold.

If at this crucial part of the game the power shoe player does not feel that her partner is playing fairly or investing enough into the game, she must decided to fold.

Continuing to play, and placing further bets into a game that can never be won, seems like common sense yet some of us do so. Reverting back into our penny slot mentality and allowing ourselves to make reckless bets which will be no match for the caliber of player in the high rollers lounge. Leaving us with little or no confidence chips left.

A power shoe player who has the sense to fold and cash out leaves herself with the option to buy into another game, because after all Vegas never sleeps!