Dating in The Wild West

This week I had a very unsafe and scary date experience. Trying to find the one seems like we are dating in the Wild West. In part to process what happened to me and in the hope that you will read this blog and realize we are not invincible here is what happened.

I've been dating hard on and off for a number of years. Not because I'm lonely and looking for someone to complete me, but more because I think I am ready to share the fruits of my labor with someone special and build a mutually beneficial empire with a like minded switched on lover of life. (Some adorable babies wouldn't go amiss either!)

With this in mind they kind of guy I date has to be exceptional in some way, passionate, driven and amongst all the other qualities you would expect like funny, articulate, caring and handsome, I also look for an element of ambition, or an aspirational quality that aligns with a mutual goal of building a future with security and financial freedom.

Looking for someone with these traits though means I am dating with an elevated level of risk. A risk that I had underestimated until the incident. Usually the men I am sharing dinner or a cocktail with are already established in a position of power or privilege, and because of my "type" are built like gladiator. (Well OK! maybe not a gladiator, but taller and considerably more fit than me, and able to handle themselves! )

This weeks date didn't feel any different than usual. Dinner and drinks on a rooftop of a high end restaurant watching the Southern California sunset. A tall handsome guy, 6'2ish around 250lbs, witty, funny, lighthearted and successful, etc etc. We told stories, giggled and had a somewhat perfect evening. Being the absolute gentleman, the guy offered to walk me to my car. A lovely gesture to keep me safe you may think, as I did. Quite the contrary, this was an opportunity for him to isolate me in public and make me incredibly unsafe!

Now in a parking structure completely unaware of what was about to transpire, I said my goodbyes and anticipated my polite and somewhat awkward first date kiss. Which as expected happened, a simple peck of affection and gratitude for a lovely evening. Nothing X-rated or longer than a split second.

The guy opened the drivers door to my car, but in a calculated moved positioned himself between the door and car. Completely unaware and consumed by the moment I hustled by him with little regard to get in the car. He obstructed the door with his hand so I couldn't close it and expertly occupied the very small space between me the car and the door with his imposing frame.

As the hair on the back of my neck began to stand up, it became increasing clear to me that I was in a very vulnerable position and something was not right. His whole demeanor, body language and tonality had changed. Gone were the sparks of fire and inspiration in his eyes that I had committed to memory earlier in the night, to tell the squad about in the obligatory morning group chat debrief! He was dead behind the eyes, super cold, and super scary.

"I can't even explain the feelings in that moment, or find the correct analogy to explain how creepy and soulless he had become in a split second. It was honestly bone chilling"

He lent in closer to me, and said in a very assertive and matter of fact manner "I'm going to get in this car, and you ARE going to suck my dick!!" Although the statement was somewhat disrespectful of someone I had met under 3 hours prior. It wasn't so much what he said but how he imposed and encroached further into my space and demanded the sexual favor in a threatening and entitled manner.

Luckily in the moment I had the clarity to think quickly and on my feet. I squared up to him using every ounce of my body and height to respond and mirror his. I looked him dead in the eye with my best 'bring it!' stare and responded loudly and clearly.

"Step away from me sir, or I will cause a scene!" as he jostled for his power and persisted to press his point home. I got further up into him reflecting his confrontation, and refusing to concede to his intimidation. "I said! Step away from me sir, or I WILL cause a scene!" With that I pressed the car alarm off on my key fob. In the enclosed and dark parking structure the unexpected alarm and flashing lights we very disorientating to him, and in that split second I pushed him away, got in the car and swiftly closed and locked my doors.

I drove out of the parking structure like I had stolen my own car, with the alarms and lights still blaring away! A fortunate and lucky escape from a situation I have no doubt would have escalated very quickly.

While I appreciate you can't go into every date terrified, and live your life thinking that all men are bad and want to hurt you. I had become comfortable and somewhat complacent to the danger and risks I was exposing myself to, because of the sheer amount of dates I had been on that didn't end in a blog worthy story.

This week I have placed the rape alarm and pepper spray on my car keyring. Althoguh i had it with me, it was NO use to me in the bottom of my purse. I vow to become more alert and not let my guard down as quickly. I will from now on valet park,ensure that everyone knows my whereabouts by sharing my GPS location on messenger with my squad group chat and I will check in and out throughout the date even with a quick emoji text.

Please be safe. Please be mindful. Please please please know that you are not invincible, and that you may not be as lucky.